Grief Journals

Sample Grief Journal Entry
© A. Edrich
All materials copyrighted

The following are excerpts from my personal journals. I decided to share these entries with you, my readers, because I wanted to help you realize just how simple a journal entry can be, how insightful they are to what's going on inside us, and how powerful they are towards helping us work through our grief.

Reaching Out To My Neighbor
Last night, I received a phone call from my neighbor. She asked if my daughter and I could come over and keep her company. Her husband died 3 weeks ago and the house is starting to calm down. It’s the first night she’s truly been alone and everything about yesterday reminded her about her husband.

As I sat in her house talking and watching a video, I couldn’t help but think, “This is so wrong! I’ve lived here for nearly 8 months and this is the first time we’ve sat and talked like this. This is the first time we’ve watched a movie together.”

It’s not that I wasn’t honored that she would ask me to help her get through this transition or that I wasn't thankful I was available to be there when she really needed someone. It was just that I felt so horrible for missing out on times like this with her and her husband, as couple outings!

We met our neighbors last July when we moved to South Dakota. We’d talk outside as each of us came to and from our homes and we made plans to meet up next summer to host a few neighborhood barbeques and get to know one another better.

Why is it that we had agreed to wait so long to become friends? To socialize? To fellowship with one another? Why did we both agree to put it off?

Now her husband is gone and we’ll never have the chance to listen to his stories without the hustle and bustle of life’s many interruptions. We won’t be able to watch as he looks over at his wife in fond admiration—and he had plenty of that…as an example, he’d wake up every morning, before his wife got out of bed, and drive to the nearest gas station to pick his wife up a hot cup of Café Mocha and the morning newspaper!

As I left last night, she hugged me and said, “Don’t forget about me.”

Even now, that statement brings tears to my eyes. I know exactly how she feels! When my daughter died, and everyone resumed their normal lives, I couldn’t help but think they not only forgot about me, but they forgot about my daughter…as though she never existed at all.

No! I won’t forget about her. And I’ll let her talk about her husband and her grief for as long as it takes…even if it’s 7 years (as was the case for me!)…or 15 years. I am willing to do whatever she needs to help her walk through this grief.

I just pray that God shows me how to open my heart to meet those needs.

Mourning My Mother
It is now Sunday and I am in waiting limbo. I thought I wouldn't get back online for awhile but I am beside myself. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so useless.

My mom's body is being cremated and will not be ready until Monday, March 20th. (Why must it take so long!) All my family is in California with my mom and I am here in South Dakota waiting...waiting...waiting. I will leave Wed.

I found all the pictures I had of my mom and put them to disk, then wrote a little note on the packaging about how my mom felt about each of the recipients.

I made a picture collage, saved it in jpg, and ordered special mugs for my sister and her son.

I wrote her Eulogy--four pages long. How do you tell a person's life story in such a short period of time? I decided to focus on one aspect of her life...the aspect that I admired the most. The aspect that I believed was her legacy! (When I got done, the first thing I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call my mom. I actually did reach for the phone!)

I spent hours on the phone talking to my dearest friends, my sister and her son, and my cousin.

But mostly, I am trying to honor my mother by not losing my mind. I am so strong in many areas of my life, but death and loss is not one of them. It's my Achilles heel.

The Nightmares
I have been having the most horrific nightmares; they take away any ounce of sanity that I have left… they make me crazy. I am so tired and so in need of rest. I cannot take much more.

These nightmares are of my dead child and the helplessness I feel because I cannot save my child. I cannot keep my child alive. It doesn’t matter what I do or do not do, my child always dies. And, I see everything in full color and full detail.

I cannot take losing my child every time I fall asleep at night. I cannot take being a failure over and over and over again. I cannot take the guilt and the shame and the pure torture that these nightmares bring, night upon night upon night.

I feel like these nightmares take a part of me with them every time that I wake up, and soon, there will be nothing left of me. I feel like I am losing my sanity with each time that I shut my eyes.

I am praying for God to release me from these horrible nightmares and help me heal; to deal with my loss.

About The Author:
Alyice Edrich believes that eulogies, written from the heart, pay respect to the deceased, and give honor to his/her memory. Hire Alyice to help you write your eulogy, tribute, or funeral speech. Learn More

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